Lately, I’ve noticed how much energy I’ve spent in trying to decide what something is before allowing it to be anything at all. I do this with writing, with my career, with my life. I wait for certainty, coherence, permission - some internal signal that tells me that it is safe to move.
Most of the time, that signal never comes.
A blank page wields the pressure of possibility. Before anything is named or shaped, it carries the burden of everything it could be. Every possible direction presses inwards at once. The hand pauses, unsure not because it lacks skill, but because nothing has yet asked to be drawn.
Then, a line appears.
Possibility collapses into form, that which is defined and that which is yet to be. In one single stroke, the spell has been broken, and you have spoken to your canvas. Further, the canvas speaks back. A conversation begins, and you are no longer stuck in stasis.
Recently, while drawing, something simple became quite obvious to me. Once a piece is started, it has a tendency to draw itself. Those first few lines are shaky, born from the need to know. They do not point to a subject or a destination. They are made in trust that something will respond.